Hello... Pretty Bird?!

Despite what my hilarous, thought provoking web entries may have conveyed (ha ha), first months in site were pretty rough. you find yourself plopped into new place ready to fend for yourself. catch what life has thrown at you and also deal with being alone. not that being alone is a bad thing but, also being lonely. thoughts race through your mind...should´ves. would´ves. could´ves. whys- lots of whys. my thoughts picking at my brain just as the shiny headed black beady eyed vultures pick at the dead rats, old garbage and rotten mango peels at the garbage bin outside my house. every day i see these creatures, just as i see myself...my thoughts, devouring me. flying through the air at close range, sitting at times on my balcony waiting.... staring at me as i come out my door, as if they were waiting for me. any sweet thoughts that my brain would come across would then be devoured by my own vultures. thoughts of the past, thoughts of my future. why? i would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat thinking about incidents that had taken place months before and some even years before... my brain trying to erase and rearrange. what i thought was the Aralen (medication we have to take for Malaria known to induce strange dreams) was actually me!! then i found myself during the day... mid stride.... day dreaming or day nightmaring, the same that haunted me in my sleep haunting me as i walked. stopping me in my tracks. what was it?

learning about myself? adapting to a new environment? dealing with loneliness? not having brainless entertainment to numb what thoughts may have been lurking in my noggin when i was back at home in GA? could it be all of these things and then some...reasons that i am unaware of?

these recent weeks have been pleasant, not to say that things still don´t get to me nor to say that everything has been all rosy (who says that anyway???) Peachy!! that´s better. not that everything has been peachy (after all i am from georgia). but they have been going....okay. the kids i work with are great. they remind me of innocence purity.. a life without vultures. with every dark creature lurking about me there are thousands of beautiful ones. some i recognize and many i do not. my goal now is to study them. learn about them and recognize when they are around.